Bad Things Always Happen When It Rains
by Autumn's.Reign
Summary: [[Oneshot]] [[OOC & AU]] For Harry, bad things always seemed to happen when it rained. And today, well, today didn't seem to be an exception.


So…This was just a bit of fun. I asked my friend to give me ten random words and I put them in this. The words: Fuck, tittie-wank, Rodger, deer, number, raincoat, ice-cream, dog, pink and Sora. Thanks, Millie!

**Disclaimer:** I'm just borrowing the characters, JK Rowling owns them (as well as the other dudes I can't remember) and I make no money from this.

**

* * *

**

Bad Things Always Happen When It Rains

It was a wet day. Wet and bleak. And cold. Harry sighed. He had really wanted that ice-cream but _no_. No, fate made it _rain_. Not that rain was really stopping him, it was just that…he didn't like ice-cream on cold, wet, bleak days. It took all the fun out of ice-cream.

Sighing again in a very dejected manner, Harry pulled his raincoat closer to his shivering body. Man…he had really wanted ice-cream. He loved ice-cream. So _much_…and he couldn't have any now. Fighting back tears, Harry turned around to head back towards the Weasleys. He was staying with them for now, it was the holidays and Harry was staying with them before going back to Hogwarts in two days.

Today they had just gone out for a little shopping trip – Harry wasn't really sure why, he just knew that this was a chance for him to have some ice-cream. Waste of time now that it's raining. Huffing, he continued on his way. No one was paying him any attention, even though he's the Boy-Who-Lived and he alone. Weird, but no one cared for the sake of this story.

On he walked…not really paying attention, so it came as a surprise when he was suddenly being man-handled. Harry was about to scream, but was hindered by the hand that clapped over his mouth. Harry wasn't too impressed by that.

He was unceremoniously pressed against a brick wall in a dark alley, and his first thought was, as it is when you're suddenly abducted and pressed against a brick wall in a dark alley where no one can see you, 'oh shit!'. Surprisingly, his second was 'I could go for a spot of tea right about now'. And his third thought before he suddenly stopped thinking was 'stupid rain. Bad stuff _always_ happens when it rains'.

When he had thought his third thought, Harry finally looked at his captor. He spluttered as the man smirked at him. Really, the _gall_!

"Why, what do I have here?" Harry's assailant all but purred. "A lone wolf, with no protection from all the bad beasties out there. Whatever shall I do with him?"

Harry glared, and finally shrugged off the hand on his mouth. "_Malfoy_." He spat the word out, like it was poison or something.

"What are you doing, Malfoy?" Harry hissed, trying to squirm his way free. Or to his wand, whichever happened first. "Let me go!"

"Oh, but why should I Potter? I rather like you like this." Malfoy smirked. And Harry was suddenly struck with how…sexy that smirk was on Malfoy's pale, handsome face – wait. He didn't just think that. Backtrack.

Harry hissed. "Let-me-go!" he said between clenched teeth.

Malfoy just fluttered his eyelashes cutely at Harry. "But, Harry, that's not how the story goes."

Harry was about to make a remark something along the lines of 'What story?' (I know, the originality) when there was a weird sound at the end of the alley and both boys jumped.

"What was that!?" Malfoy squeaked.

Harry sneered, though his heart had sped up in fear at the unidentifiable noise. "One of the bad beasties out to get Harry Potter, perhaps?"

Malfoy did not appear to like the sound of that; in fact, he clung to Harry all the more tightly.

There was a bark, and the reason for the noise became evident. A dog ran past them, into the now torrential rain. He was barking like mad, and his tail was between his legs. Harry frowned, what had scared that dog so bad?

There was a whisper in the dark alley.

"Draco,"

The boys jumped and Draco looked a few shades paler.

"Draco!" the whisper was more pronounced this time. Harry frowned.

"What!?" he said harshly. He really wasn't appreciative of this day. He wouldn't be surprised if the person whispering turned out to be a Death Eater to take Draco away for a secret Death Eater meeting – and now that he'd heard Harry he could take Harry too and Harry'd have to face good ol' Uncle Voldie.

Of course, it was raining, and Harry had exceptionally bad luck when it rained.

An anonymous Death Eater stepped from the shadows. His black robes and mask gave him away, really. But we won't ponder on the likelihood of a Death Eater popping into existence at a public place like Diagon Alley in his special Death Eater robes. That would be beside the point, after all.

So, the Death Eater smiled rather nastily as he noticed Harry'd vulnerable position. Advancing, he looked at Draco.

"Caught yourself a nice treat, Draco?" he asked snidely.

"Why, yes, yes I have." Draco said coolly. "And I'm sure he'd be an excellent guest at the little get together today. Shall I bring him with me, Rodger?"

Rodger nodded and Draco, Harry and he Disapparated.

* * *

Harry's next eloquent thought of the day: 'Well, fuck.'

He stared dispassionately around the circle of Death Eaters. There was an empty throne which Harry assumed was where Voldemort would soon seat himself. Draco had donned his Death Eater robes, and Harry couldn't tell which minion he was any more. But, that didn't really matter at the moment as Harry was lying in the centre of the circle – bound and Stunned. Which was just peachy.

The gentle murmurs that had been circulating since Harry's appearance hushed. Harry would have looked to see the cause of this if he could, but if the pain in his scar was anything to go by, the reason for the sudden quiet was Voldemort. Lovely.

"Well, well, well." A voice hissed. "Loyal Death Eaters, today we have a guest. For those of you who haven't met – this is Harry Potter. Harry, these are my Death Eaters."

Blah, blah, _blah_.

"What shall we do with Harry here, who has so conveniently made himself available for our meeting? _Enervate._"

Harry blinked. Thank God, his eyes had been starting to water up there.

"Untie him." Voldemort instructed. The bonds holding Harry were severed and, finally free, Harry jumped to his feet.

"My, Harry, how you've grown." Voldemort positively beamed at Harry, and Harry shrugged. "No, no don't be modest now. Come here, come here." Harry shuffled forward, feeling awkward.

"Ah, yes, becoming a man, now aren't you?" Voldemort smiled affectionately down at Harry, rather like a doting Aunt. Which wasn't weird at all. "Where do the years go? Seems to me it was only yesterday that I was murdering your parents and casting the killing curse at you, Harry. You were just a toddler, barely able to crawl. Ah, the good days, those were."

Voldemort was looking very emotional, and he waved his arm at a Death Eater to his left.

"Go get the album, Henderson. I want to show Harry something." The Death Eater scurried away. "Come Harry. Sit by me so we can chat."

Harry walked up to Voldemort's throne and sat on the wizard's knee. He blinked innocently into the red slit-pupil eyes of his nemesis and smiled.

The Death Eater came back and handed Voldemort a black bound photo album. Sighing, the evil tyrant opened the pages and a smile lit up his face as he pointed to the first picture.

"That's your house, Harry, the day I came to kill you. It's so quaint, don't you think?" Harry looked at the picture fondly, having seen similar photos. He nodded. "Yes, and, here, that's what it looked like inside. Yes, and here, that's where your father charged out, yelling to Lily. Tragic, it was. But, I had to you know. My fanatic need for immortality and all that."

Voldemort hummed, skipping a few pages of the album until he came to a picture that was obviously a favorite. He caressed the outline of the picture with a long, skeletal finger as the object of the photo moved about happily.

"Yes, this was in your room. See here," he tapped what looked to be a stuffed penguin in the background. "That was your favorite toy when you were young, I know. As soon as I entered the room, you picked it up and hugged it tight. Horrid looking thing. A pink penguin, what sort of toy is that for a young boy of your tender years? I just knew you'd turn queer, and look at you!"

Harry smiled at the picture. Yes, he remembered his pink penguin. Sora had been her name. He was too content in his memories of his toy, Sora, to take offence at being called queer – he _was _gay after all.

"I'm always right about those sorts of things." Voldemort said proudly, looking at a Death Eater across from him in a significant way. Draco squirmed at his Lords obvious message. Okay, he got it already! Geez.

Snapping the album shut, Voldemort ushered Harry off his knees to address his minions again. "Well, it's about time for dinner, don't you think?"

* * *

Dinner didn't turn out so bad. It was deer – something Harry didn't eat very often. But for the sake of using the word for this story, they ate it. The air at dinner was a little thick with the underlying tension between Draco and Harry. No one commented on it, of course, but it was there and it was just waiting to explode in some very exciting way.

After dinner all the Death Eaters, Voldemort and Harry moved into a large hall that had several tables set up. Harry wasn't sure what they were doing, but they all sat down and were given little sheets with numbers in boxes and a coloured marker. Harry's eyebrows shot into his hairline. They weren't going to play…

A Death Eater walked onto a small platform that was set up at the front of the room. Behind him, he was dragging a metal cage-looking thingy with small white balls bouncing inside.

Harry tried hard not to snigger.

"Okay everyone, welcome back to our weekly meeting. Is everybody ready for BINGO!?" Harry really did snigger then, this was just too bizarre. Draco shot him a condescending glare and Harry repressed his amusement and tried to keep a straight face. Death Eaters must take their Bingo seriously.

"Excellent, first number is I 88…"

Harry had to admit that he hadn't expected this of Voldemort and his Death Eaters.

* * *

Outside a big oak door (if you were listening – which you aren't) you could hear the sounds of two people moaning and groaning. Really, it didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on in there, I'm just deviating from saying the exact words because where would the fun in that be?

So, shall we just listen in, then?

"Oh, God, yes, yes!"

"Harry…I've waited so long for this."

"Don't stop…Oh…Where did you learn to do that?"

"So perfect, so perfect. Yes, Harry, Harry!"

"Draco! Fuck me! Yes! Harder!"

"Harry…Harry! So tight! So amazing! Harry!"

"Draco! Faster! Draco!"

There might have been a few 'I love you's' after that – but we didn't keep listening because we were found out eavesdropping.

* * *

All in all, Harry's day didn't turn out all bad. He didn't get his ice-cream, but he gained a boyfriend. And he knew he'd get ice-cream another day in any case. He had a happy moment with Voldemort – he was looking forwards to the next Death Eater meeting. Harry was determined to beat Snape at Bingo. The little bugger beat Harry by the _merest_ fraction.

So that's it basically. It rained, and Harry got to eat deer, hooked up with his long – time love Draco Malfoy, made friends with Voldemort, played Bingo…and so this leaves me with one last thing to say.

"Tittie-wank!"


End file.
